Nature Walks and Nuts and Bolts.

Two of my favourite things. And you should like them too if you know what's good for ya. One keeps you healthy and the other is... um... a necessity in life... I s'pose. Well, think if the things we wouldn't have if there were no nuts and no bolts. Uh, there wouldn't be...umm... sturdy foundations all across the world! Or! Or we would have one less reference for the male genetalia! Or even... nothing to play with on a lonely saturday night. Take that last one however you want... I won't judge you.

Nature walks however, much more useful. Possibly... sturdy foundation is a hard competitor. Anyways, I find these Nature Walks to be one of the most relaxing things on Earth. It allows your brain to just kinda... wander. I mean, who knows what you'll find? Some wildlife perhaps? Or maybe a tree that's hollowed out for a treefort! Awesome right?! Fuck! Totally! Anyways. You could even discovera world where everything is wierd, and a little backwards, and when you step forward, you move backwards, kinda like Moonwalking. And as you are walking you see little creatures start popping out of the trees! Oooh! Delightful! No. They are foaming at the mouth and are thirsty for blood. And yours is the freshest. This Summer. Get ready for Race For Life Or Die. Where 6 contestants of differing racial sterotypes run from New York to L.A. against the most vicious creatures the minds of George Lucas, Mikihil Bay (Mike's Russian Equivalent and Cousin) and M. Night Shyamalan could muster. Starring: Vin Diesel as the caucasian no nonsense baddie with a heart of gold. Morgan Freeman as the old bluesy type african american who is tended by his grateful, yet gangster, son, played by Nick Cannon. Jackie Chan as the tourist from China who just ended up in this situation by random happenstance. Freddy Rodriguez is the down on his luck gambler with a wife and kid to feed. This race could change his life forever. And Gerry Bednob, the wise Hindi Mystic who aids all through thier troubles. Coming Summer 2023!

Or it's just exercise. Up to you really. That is all. Props go to the person who can make the best poster for that movie.

I Wanna Fight A Boss

So I just completed Tomb Raider: Underworld, and I couldn't help but notice that you didn't really fight a boss at the end. Sure you go through a series of puzzles to destroy the support beams of Jörmungandr and then throw Mjolnir (Thor's Hammer) at the boss in a cutscene thus killing her, but you don't actually fight her. I have also noticed that many games these days have that. For instance, Uncharted: Drake's Fortune, you fight the boss in a button pressing cutscene, only to watch him die in another cutscene, as well as Gears of War 2. I wouldn't even consider that a boss battle. You are in a helicopter shooting at an infected Brumak, and in about 2 minutes, he's done, adn then, in a cuscene (surprise surprise!) he blows up. Whatever happened to the games of ol' when you would have to take your time and fill your mortal enemy full of lead and/or steal. Resident Evil 5 and the God of War franchise are good examples. Bot had excellent(allbeit hard) boss battles. And that's the way it should be.

I'm also sick of lead characters in games not being able to speak or say anything, and Nintendo is famous for this. Mario: "Ha-ha" "It'sa me, a-Mario!" "Here we gooooo!"
Link: "Ha!" "Heh" "Eeee-YA!"
Ash (from the games): "..."

What the fuck guys. I can understand for the older games, but don't you think that Link would say at least one sentence in his whole 3 year journey to find the Master Sword? Or that Mario would say "Fuck you Peach, I'm higher than a kite! I am NOT gonna fight a giant lizard while talking to a bunch of mushrooms...woah..." Or that maybe, just maybe, Ash would have the courage to talk outside of battles?

Ok, so Nintendo characters are incapable of speech, I'll live with that. But why can't the manly motherfucker from Viking: Battle for Asgard speak. He's a man. A beefy head chopping peasent raping man. And Overlord from Overlord, he doesn't speak. But I assume that's just because he's so pwerfully lazy that he let's his mionions speak for him. At least Caim from Drakengard has a legitamate reason for not being able to speak. It just annoys me that a company won't put in the effort to make a character more rounded. I find that speech helps alot, although Nintendo has done a good job without it. But what can I do. I'm jsut a lonely, pathetic, blogger addicted to masturbation and cocaine that can't type "just" right unless I slow down and take the time to do it...

So how bout them Mets huh?